I made the perfect Brian Wilson Mixtape
Sunken Dispatch #9
You read that correctly (assuming you read it at all).
I made the perfect Brian Wilson mixtape.
But, Cory, how do you define perfect with something so subjective as music? Alright, think back to our interview with Mike Snider, the inventor of the Kooliverse. In it, I argued that some things were objectively cool. He argued all cool is subjective. He did invent the Kooliverse and made all the cool art at The Conservatory. He must know what he’s talking about.
Perhaps he does. You can peep the interview above. It’s a great one. He’s up to some very big shit in this city. The man wants more trumpets than Lou Bega demanded in the objectively cool song Mambo #5.
ANYWAY
Here’s how I know I’ve crafted the perfect mixtape (MY APOLOGIES FOR CALLING PLAYLISTS ON SPOTIFY MIXTAPES, GEN X). Firstly, a mixtape must not repeat artists twice (unless there is a very good reason). Secondly, if there are two acts with the same vocalist or most of the same backing band, don’t play them back to back (unless there is a very good reason). Lastly, it has to be an hour and 20 minutes or less, because I am a millennial and blank CDs held 80 minutes of music.
I placed caveats on my rules up there, because I broke them in this mixtape.
In case some of you are uncultured swine who somehow stumbled into a niche leftist news blog located in Alton, Illinois, Brian Wilson was the genius musician who was among the founders of bubblegum pop, indie rock, surf rock, and the music of summertime. He was one of the main forces behind The Beach Boys. He died on Wednesday at 82. Our hearts go out to all who loved him and had him in their lives. We will forever be blessed by his music.
Many music superfans, nerds, and joyous critics place Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys among the greatest American albums. It occupies similar lists to Kendrick’s good kid, m.A.A.d. city and Neutral Milk Hotel’s In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. Like everything great from the 60s, Pet Sounds was made under the influence of weed and LSD to spite The Beatles and Phil Spector.
As a music superfan, nerd, and joyous critic who adores Pet Sounds, it’s only fitting I dedicate my art of making S-tier playlists to honor such a God damned American hero.
GOD DAMN IT, CORY, SHUT UP. LET ME SEE THIS DAMN SPOTIFY PLAYLIST YOU CALL A MIXTAPE LIKE A DOUCHE SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW YOU FUCKED UP.
FINE! HERE IT IS!
I can hear the groans now. Those of you who haven’t spent long nights listening to obscure Japanese city-pop and degenerate Italo-disco under the influence of cannabis and LSD are wondering what the fuck Track 12 is. The answer is "Surfin’ USA.”
Those of you who pay attention are wondering why the fuck The Red Hot Chili Peppers are in there. Yes, we all know Anthony Kiedis is trash. His problematic age gaps would make Leonardo DiCaprio blush like one of those French Girls. The problem, however, is it’s a really good cover. It features some endearing harmonies from John Frusciante and Flea who low-key redeemed themselves by playing with The Mars Volta.
Every God damned one of you who peeped that playlist had to fucking notice Charles Manson. Yes, that’s the Charles Manson. So, the year before the Manson Family Murders, in 1968, Charles Manson and his acid cult hung out with Beach Boys drummer Dennis Wilson. According to former Manson cultists, they all did acid and had group sex. Then Charles Manson played some songs at Dennis Wilson, who told Rolling Stone he’d never talk about the Manson years in 1976. He drowned in 1983 at 39, and seems to have kept his word.
Anyway, during that time, Charles Manson recorded some songs with the Wilsons, including the one on the playlist. He also accused The Beach Boys of stealing his song “Cease to Exist” and calling it “Never Learn Not to Love.” Manson was not given a writing credit for that one, and he was pretty salty.
I would also like to highlight both Big Star and Alex Chilton from that list. Big Star is the reason I go to Memphis every so many years. I need to get a new Big Star shirt, because the old one was worn out. I love Big Star. Big Star was formed after the blue-eyed soul band The Box Tops broke up. Everybody knows their song The Letter.
Everybody also knows Thirteen by Big Star. If not, they heard the Elliott Smith version, the Wilco version, or the supreme Bedouine, Hurray for the Riff Raff, and Waxahatchee version. You also know the theme song from That 70s Show. What you probably didn’t know is that In the Street was originally done by Big Star and covered by Cheap Trick for the show.
I bring this up, because losing Brian Wilson is a tragedy, but losing artists before you discover their work is the fucking worst. Everyone knows The Beach Boys. Even if you don’t fancy them, you have to respect their contribution to pop and the American summer. Alex Chilton still walks this Earth and there’s time to appreciate his music. I know Alex Chilton and I are both a little sadder tonight at the loss of Brian Wilson.
It cannot bode well for us to lose a Beach Boy before the summer solstice. May Brian Wilson intercede to God on our behalf and ensure a bounty of hot rods, hot babes, beach dancing, and doing LSD with our friends in group sex situations without anyone declaring themselves a prophet and killing celebrities. Please, Brian Wilson. I know you made it to heaven. Please rain down a better world of Fun, Fun, Fun, Surfer Girls, and very helpful Rhondas.