So, first and foremost, I want to shout out content creator Flesh Simulator for this idea. He made a YouTube video dissecting Epstein’s Spotify. Given how many people are dissecting the entire life of an elite pedophile who is currently rotting in Hell, I figured I would jump on the bandwagon. With the crazy letter dropped by the Wall Street Journal, it’s becoming obvious dudes like this speak in a weird code. After scanning his God-awful Spotify playlists, I would agree. He listens to a lot of Christmas music while working out, which is fucking bonkers. Some of it is more on the nose, as you will see.
Anyway, as a fan of music, I decided to assemble a halfway decent playlist from the jumble of shit Epstein called music. Watch that Flesh Simulator video above (and subscribe to his channel — he’s great). It was difficult. This guy really loved Drake, Tiesto, and Michael Bublé. Also, before you say anything, this playlist is absolutely cursed. I cobbled it together from his workout mix, his flying and landing in Paris mixes, one dedicated to Stephen Hawking (a notorious and surprising part of the alleged client list who was said to have taken a submarine to Epstein’s Island), one dedicated to mildly obscure indie band OZMA, and one called “Me Likey,” which was seriously fucked up.
Feel free to stop reading. This caused me almost as much psychic damage as listening to Puddle of Mudd’s new album. It’s also too on the nose. What do I mean by that? Oh, you’ll see. Just wait for song #1. Also, I am sure these are his actual playlists as Epstein was a registered sex offender, meaning his social media was public — including his Spotify.
Still here? Welcome to an adventure into mankind’s truest darkness. Also, let’s be real. Epstein didn’t kill himself. There was totally a list of elite pedophile clients, probably including at least two U.S. presidents and one member of the British royal family. Also, there are reportedly more than a thousand victims. Our hearts go out to each and every one of them. I know firsthand what it’s like to be a victim of a pedophile. That shit sucks. If mine left behind a Spotify full of shitty, misspelled playlists, I’d take joy in ripping apart their shit.
So, join me in ripping apart Jeffrey Epstein’s music taste.
Song #1 • Little Girls by Oingo Boingo
I swear to God, this was on his “Me Likey Now” playlist. I told you it’s on the nose. What were you expecting? For reference, Oingo Boingo wrote the song from the perspective of Hollywood elites and popular musicians who do the exact shit Epstein did. Also, fun fact, Oingo Boingo frontman Danny Elfman is the singing voice of Jack Skellington in Nightmare Before Christmas.
So how on the nose is this song for Epstein? Well, here’s the opening lines:
I, I, I love little girls
They make me feel so good
I love little girls
They make me feel so bad
When they're around
They make me feel like
I'm the only guy in town
I love little girls
They make me feel so good
Song #2 • Young Girl A by Siinamota
This was on his playlist for his friend Stephen Hawking. Unsettling shit. It’s all in Japanese, but the song’s title alone should be enough to give you some chills.
Song #3 • Pedophile by cupcakKe
THIS IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF ON THE NOSE. YOU CANNOT GET ANY MORE ON THE NOSE THAN THIS. HOLY SHIT. WOW. TALK ABOUT BEING A SELF-AWARE PIECE OF SHIT. JESUS CHRIST. This was on his infamous “Me Likey Now” playlist.
Song #4 • B.O.B. (Bombs over Baghdad) by Outkast
This one is from his workout mix, and to be fair to that absolute piece of human garbage, it’s a great song for working out. However, given the name of the song, it hits me weird. Epstein was at his prime of victimizing children and young women from 1991-2005 following being granted power of attorney to Victoria’s Secret billionaire Les Wexner’s massive fortune. During that time, George W. Bush illegally invaded Iraq.
What does that have to do with anything? Maybe nothing, but it’s weird that Epstein is alleged to have owned a painting of George W. Bush with a paper plane smiling while childishly sitting cross-legged behind two piles of collapsed Jenga blocks. It has been deemed to be “unfounded,” but, who trusts anything these days?
Song #5 • Domino Effect by Ozma
I just think it’s really weird Epstein had a playlist dedicated to this mildly obscure indie band. I actually really like Ozma. This song is fun and reminds me of what would have happened if Weezer continued on their path of making great music following Pinkerton. Yes, I do hold that generic take, because it’s fucking true.
Song #6 • Polka Face by “Weird Al” Yankovic
This is the only Epstein list we should find Weird Al. This was on his “Me Likey Now” playlist, and it is a parody of a lot of pop music from the end of the 2000s/beginning of 2010s — just as the world was discovering what kind of piece of shit the monstrous pedophile really was. That being said, if Weird Al was on the client list, it’d make me even sadder than when I discovered Noam Chomsky had Epstein associations.
Song #7 • Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO
Yeah, it’s a workout song. It’s on his workout playlist. I think it’s hilarious this is what the dude was cycling to in between being the worst human being on the fucking planet alongside all the elite and powerful pedophiles who he considered clients.
Song #8 • Donald Trump by Mac Miller
First of all, RIP Mac Miller. Addiction is one hell of a thing. Depression is too. I’m glad 988 exists. Seriously, if ever you feel yourself spiraling into the darkest of emotions, give that number a call. It’s never too late to turn things around. I’m not saying Mac Miller killed himself, as his overdose was ruled to be accidental. That being said, Epstein probably didn’t either.
Which brings me to the next name on that — Donald Trump. This man has been photographed with Epstein more than I was with my own mother. He was in charge of the country when Epstein died in jail. He recently fired the prosecutor in that case as well as against Ghislaine Maxwell, Epstein’s fixer and diametrical opposition to a girls’ girl, and P. Diddy. He called his past supporters “weak” for wanting more information on the Epstein case. He blamed Democrats for making up the Epstein list. He wished Ghislaine well when she was sentenced for her role in the Epstein bullshit. He hired Alex Acosta, who gave Epstein a sweetheart deal as the Secretary of Labor during his first term. Our own Illinois Senator Dick Durbin said the FBI was told to flag mentions of Trump in the Epstein case to cover the current president’s ass.
But, yeah, Donald Trump has nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein.
Song #9 • Banana Man by Tally Hall
This song would be fun as hell if the context wasn’t the fact it was on Epstein’s “Me Likey Now” playlist. Considering the dude had a tropical paradise for pedophiles in the U.S. Virgin Islands, a song about a weirdo on a sandy beach hits a little different (right in the gut). God, at least it wasn’t Ocean Man by Ween. I couldn’t handle Ween being ruined like that.
Song #10 • Science by System of a Down
On the Stephen Hawking playlist for obvious reasons. It’s wild to picture Epstein making the renowned astrophysicist (an apparently pervert) a playlist with both J-pop and System of a fucking Down.
Songs #11-16
These were either on his workout or flying to Paris playlists, and they are genuine bangers. I needed a break from the abject horrors, so I slapped together some great classic rock and blues. The fact Epstein had Professor Longhair on his mixes pisses me off to no end, because Professor Longhair absolutely slaps and Epstein didn’t deserve to know that level of cool.
Song #17 • Tiny Dancer by Elton John
Outside of Ozma, Epstein had a playlist of entirely Elton John songs, and this takes on an entirely new context when placed anywhere around Jeffrey Epstein.
Song #18 • Holocene by Bon Iver
This was on his workout playlist. What kind of sick freak listens to Bon Iver while they work out? Oh, wait, the sickest freak known in American history.
Song #19 • The Scientist by Coldplay
Since the weirdo loves being on the nose, of course this was on the Stephen Hawking playlist. Also, with recent hilarious meme-worthy news, Coldplay is fun to throw on anything right now. Maybe it’s the conspiracy theorist in me being awoken by scouring Jeffrey Epstein’s Spotify, but I think that whole fiasco was a false flag to make Coldplay relevant again.
Song #20 • Midnight City by M83
I’m ashamed to say this is a genuine bop. It’s on his workout playlist. That also makes sense. I slapped it in the mix, because I like it. It’s a good song.
Song #21 • I Wupped Batman’s Ass by Wesley Willis.
ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I LOVE WESLEY WILLIS. Wesley was discovered in Chicago by Dead Kennedys frontman Jello Biafra, who also wrote his obituary. Wesley Willis was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had a passion for music to cope. Some of his more vulgar songs like Suck a Cheetah’s Dick were written as spells to scare away the demons who followed him on public transit. He loved his City of Chicago, and replicated it with wonderful art. He was a sweet soul and his spirit is dearly missed by those who cherish his music — like me.
ANYWAY
It’s weird Epstein had this on his “Me Likey Now” playlist. I hate it, in fact. Wesley Willis was a pure and loving soul who deserved better than to be on a pedophile’s weirdo playlist. Also, I find it weird that Epstein chose the song about him beating up a masked billionaire for it.
If you feel like perusing the weird shit that was Jeffrey Epstein’s music taste, look up “jeevacation.” His “Me Likey Now” playlist feels like it tells the same sort of coded story Trump’s alleged birthday letter to him does. If you have the stomach for it, look it up. If not, that’s fine.
However, it’s important we keep this story alive. Not only is it uniting folks who seem to agree on nothing else, it is one of our only hopes to keep those who profit from our toils accountable. If our capitalist leaders are unmasked as soulless, reptilian pedophiles waist-deep in pedophile blackmail schemes from international intelligence agencies, maybe, just fucking maybe, we can all work together to demand a better world.
